Abused but not forgotten…

So many times when I counsel an abused woman, I wonder two things:

1. Why does so much abuse happen to one person?

2. How has she managed to stay sane, functional, and pleasant?

The sweet twenty-five-year-old I spoke with today told me, “When I was five or six, I went to a neighborhood store with my younger sister. A man about twenty years old used candy to lure me into a room. He locked the door and molested me while my sister stood in a corner.”

She never told anyone until she was fourteen, at which time both her parents yelled at her for having waited so long to say anything.

Without detailing all the abuse she suffered from then until now, let me say after an hour, I needed our session to end. Her father mistreated her horribly while showing affection to her three sisters and the three fathers of her three sons all continued the pattern of disrespect, verbal abuse, and violence.

However, that is not where I wish to dwell.

“When I was ten, I went to live in another city with a teacher. She set me up with a job caring for a young child.”

“What? How did this happen? Did she know you were being abused by your father?”

“My father agreed to it. He didn’t want me around.”

The woman she lived with sold makeup and skin products. One day, the girl started playing with them and unwittingly destroyed many items that would have been sold.

“She sent me back to my parents’ house. My father was angry because he had to pay for the makeup I destroyed.”

At twelve, she left and went to live with a neighbor, earning a little money doing odd jobs and cleaning. At seventeen, she moved out of state all alone, “because I wanted to see other places and make more money.” Throughout the rest of her story, she recounted at least six major moves including at least five different states. Yes, she made disastrous choices in men, but within the chaos, she often moved to new locations for her good and the good of her children.

Once, when she was nineteen, she left an abusive situation and ventured out with her young son.

“I didn’t know how I was going to get to the bus station; it was a few hours away. I was standing near the highway and a man in a truck opened his door and said, “They called me and said there was a person who needed a ride.”

I looked at her, thinking she would explain, but she just smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

“He let me out at the bus station. Our bus to Chiapas didn’t leave until the next day, but a woman who worked in housekeeping set up a place for my son and me to sleep.”

By the time she finished, our time was long up and I couldn’t hope to address her soul wounds.

Instead, I told her, “Look, Paula, (not real name) you have suffered enough abuse to damage four women. Yet, here you are – you are intelligent and strong! You’re brave and very resourceful! I urge you to draw near to God and stay away from men for at least a few years or longer until you can heal and learn about real love.”

I wrote down the cites of two Bible stories.

“These are about Jesus and women,” I said. “Read them and see how He treated women! They were second class in those days and in that culture. The Samaritan woman had been cast out of her community because of her sexual past. You and I would have been cast out, too!” (We chuckled.)

“She had been married five times and was living with still another. Yet, Jesus spoke to her with respect, sat down with her when no one else would. He listened to her, respected her, and she became the first evangelist, a high position for anyone, let alone a women of that time!”

Paula smiled sweetly, undoubtedly glad for her Biblical sister.

“And the other is Mary Magdalene, who’d been a prostitute and had been set free from seven demons. She showed great courage entering into a dinner which was only for men! She broke open an expensive jar of perfume, washed Jesus’ feet, and used her hair to dry them. When the men began to murmur about Jesus associating with the likes of her, Jesus reprimanded them.

He said, “You gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven - for she loved much.” (Luke 7:44-47)

“And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.” (Mark 14:9)

“Do you see how much Jesus loved this woman?” I asked Paula. “How her past didn’t matter, how He elevated her to a status she’d never known? That woman, who’d made terrible choices in men, displayed courage and great love, just like you.”

That broke the dam. She cried and embraced me.

“Thank you!” she whispered. “That gives me a lot to think about!”

“Keep being brave,” I urged her, “and add to it, great love, not for a man, but for God! He will guide your life and you will do things beyond your imagination!”

It’s exhausting work. But if these women who have so much courage, strength, and love can heal and use their courage, strength, and love for God, they are going to do serious damage to the enemy’s domain!

Story by TAP Partner, Ellie Goolkasian (serving in Mexico)